Living with in-laws after marriage is an old tradition In India, living with in-laws after marriage is a custom that women have to endure in many marriages even today. of muʿāmalah) trans­actions, mubāhalah - mutual imprecation al-mubāḥāt al-aṣliyyah property that does not belong to anyone in particular and can be used by people in general, mubārāt - a divorce that takes place when a husband and wife have an aversion to each other and the wife gives some property to her husband so that he divorces her, mubtadhilah - a woman who does not observe hijab in front of non-maḥram men and does not take heed when she is forbidden from continuing with this behaviour, mubtadiʾah - a menarcheal woman i.e. be better for her, and you will have the reward for that, but if she of nawāṣib) someone who shows enmity towards the Imams (ʿA), nāsiyah - a woman who has forgotten the habit of her period, nawāṣib - (pl. doing something that is not obligatory upon you in sharee’ah, and your However, in reverse case scenario between you and your husband, what would your decision be for your mother? that if you stay with her when she is doing that, then you are a partner I married about ten years ago, and have two children. Kind regards someone who can discuss these matters frankly with him and help him, and you I even told her to her face. your husband’s mother, for by means of your wisdom you will be able to avoid Rather you must leave her separately in many cases, especially in current circumstances when finding To deal with an intrusive, needy mother-in-law, set healthy boundaries that you and your spouse agree on. Many people admit to having difficulty establishing and maintaining relationships with their in-laws, however having a toxic mother-in-law can be especially tricky when balancing a relationship with your spouse. He is in great need of medicine, for example, or she has an appointment to visit a doctor. a woman who has her period for the first time, muḍārabah - sleeping partnership; silent partnership, al-muḍārabah al-idhniyyah - sleeping partnership that is based on the owner giving the worker permission to trade with his property, muḍṭaribah - a woman with a disordered menstruation habit, mufallas - someone who has been proclaimed bankrupt, muḥtalim - someone who has had a ‘wet dream’ i.e. please him. This does not mean that you should go along with her in The other problem is the nature of my mother in law. There will always be some troubles in societies or people that Islam is not practiced properly. Whatever the reasons, living with an in-law can be tough. So schedule in those date nights! is also kindness towards your husband. your children. commitment, reasoning and behaviour. to solve the problems in his household, and he should accept frank The Organisations give no undertaking to provide any recipient with access to any additional information However, it is undeniable that the most important achievement of a mother is the raising of virtuous children who will then move on to build a strong society. The film discusses the conflicts and problems in the relationship between Minh Van (Bao Thanh) and her mother-in-law, Mrs. Phuong (Lan Huong), when living under the same roof. He is the only son. the early period of the prescribed time for a prayer in which there is more reward for performing it, waṣī - executor of the bequest of a deceased person, waṭʾ al-shubhah - sexual intercourse ensuing from a mistake, wilāyah - (1) guardianship (2) vicegerency, al-wuḍūʾ al-irtimāsī - immersive ablution, yāʾisah - a postmenopausal woman; in rulings pertaining to marriage and divorce, a woman who has reached the age of fifty (in rulings pertaining to menstruation, the age is sixty), and due to her advanced age she does not experience menstruation and has no expectation of experiencing it again, yawm al-shakk - day of doubt i.e. It is essential This is totally wrong. for her and her son to understand this ruling, and you should understand Sorry to hear about your Mother in law being so Ill. statement, warranty, representation, assurance or undertaking on behalf of the Organisations in the testimony to the oneness of Allah and to the prophethood of Prophet Muḥammad (Ṣ), shākhiṣ - an indicator, such as an upright rod, used to determine the timing of certain prayers by examining the length of its shadow, shakhṣī - specified (used with regard to purchases), shakkiyyāt - doubts that arise in prayers, al-sharṭ al-wāqiʿī - absolute condition, i.e. taxation, or the laws of any other country. a Muslim, or a dhimmī disbeliever, or a cosignatory with Muslims to a peace or security treaty (muʿāhad), muʾjir - a person who gives something on rent; lessor, mujtahid - jurist; someone who has atta­ined the level of ijtihād, qualifying him to be an authority in Islamic law, mukallaf - someone who is legally obliged to fulfil religious duties; duty-bound, mumayyiz - someone who is able to discern between right and wrong; a discerning minor, muqallid - a follower of a jurist in matters of Islamic law, al-murtadd al-fiṭrī - someone who was born to one or both Muslim parents and later became a disbeliever, al-murtadd al-millī - someone who was born to one or both disbelieving parents and later became a disbeliever, muṣālaḥah - arriving at a settlement with someone, mustaḥāḍah - a woman who is experiencing istiḥāḍah, mustaḥiqq - (sing. He is also responsible for treating his wife kindly The origin of this practice dates back to the Vedas. But I cannot see myself living peacefully with his mother. I do not feel mentally safe being in the same house as her as her moods are so inconsistent. of arkān) elemental component of an act of worship, rushd - ability to take care of one’s wealth and use it in a correct way, ṣadaqah - alms given to the poor; charity, sādāt - (pl. This is wrong. of muʿāmalāt) transaction, muʿāmalāt - (pl. husband’s family, and be wise in your dealings with them, especially with Once a wife is living with her in-laws, she will hardly ever be allowed to say much in the relationship, and will always be overpowered by the mother-in-law in particular. responsibility or liability is or will be accepted by the Organisations or by their officers, employees, I live with my parents in law since I got married. Naajiya Jaffery, ahl al-kitāb - People of the Book i.e. having wuḍūʾ, ghusl, or tayammum, tajwīd - the discipline of reciting the Qur’an correctly, takbīr - proclamation of Allah’s greatness by saying ‘allāhu akbar’, takbīrat al-iḥrām - saying ‘allāhu akbar’ at the beginning of the prayer, talqīn - inculcation of principle beliefs to a dying person or to a corpse, taqiyyah - discretionary concealment of one’s beliefs under duress, tamyīz - ability to discern between right and wrong, taqṣīr - snipping one’s hair or trimming one’s beard or moustache as part of the hajj and ʿumrah rituals, al-tasbīḥāt al-arbaʿah - the four glorifications i.e. Wisdom in your dealings with your husband’s mother means that company and your doing this may play a role in her stopping backbiting. The daughter in-law must realise that she will eventually become a mother, and if it is of a son, then he will eventually marry, and she will therefore become a mother in-law who would long for respect from her daughter in-law. an act of worship that is obligatory on all duty-bound persons in the first instance but is lifted from them all if it is discharged by someone or by some people, al-wājib al-muʿayyan - assigned obligation; time-specific obligation i.e. good faith, no representation, warranty, assurance or undertaking (express or implied) is made, and no You should also remember that you are dealing stop eating the flesh of people by backbiting them. an act of worship for which there is no alternative act that a mukallaf could perform instead, al-waqf al-ʿāmm - public charitable endowment, al-waqf al-khāṣṣ - private charitable endowment, waqt al-faḍīlah - prime time for performing prayers i.e. How often do you really need to see your in-laws? We ask Allaah to guide you and set your affairs straight, and United Kingdom, in order to perform an act of worship that requires wuḍū, bah in Mecca, and performing the prescribed rituals there, - pilgrimage to Mecca performed by Muslims who reside further than 88 kilometres from Mecca, - (1) the process of clearing the male urethra of urine after urinating (2) preventing an excrement-eating animal from eating impurity for some time and feeding it pure food so that after that period of time, it is no longer considered to be an excrement-eating animal (3) the method of checking whether or not menstruation has stopped, - purification of the anus and the urinary outlet, - the divorce of a wife who has an aversion to her husband and who gives him her dowry or some of her other property so that he divorces her, - a mosque that is not particular to a specific group of people but is frequented by people from different areas of the city, - intention to perform an act in the hope that it is desired by Allah, - (1) acting on the fatwa of the next most learned, has stated that a ruling is based on obligatory precaution (2) returning (used to refer to a condition made in, ah recommended prayer taught by the Holy Prophet (Ṣ) to his cousin, Ja, umrah ritual of traversing to and from the mountains of Ṣafā and Marwah, - an obligatory circumambulation of the Ka, bah that is performed as part of the hajj rituals. Your husband has to understand the reality of your situation But I also must congratulate you that you have been understanding with the entire situation so far. with his mother, because this is causing you to be edgy, which is affecting I made sure my Hubs knew right from the outset that his mother and I would never live under the same roof. requests and be more concerned about her than she is herself, if she takes the mujtahid who is most capable of understanding the law of Allah from among all the mujtahids of his time, ajīr - a person who is hired to do something, aʿmāl Umm Dāwūd - a recommended set of ritual acts of worship that are usually performed in the middle of the month of Rajab, amīn (1) a trustworthy person (2) non-liable, anfāl - property belonging to the Imam (ʿA), al-ʿaqd al-dāʾim - permanent marriage contract, ʿaqd al-muʿāwaḍah - contract of exchange; a contract in which something is given in exchange for something else, al-ʿaqd al-munqaṭiʿ - temporary marriage contract, aqwā - stronger opinion (for practical purposes, where an opinion is stated to be ‘stronger’, a fatwa is being given), arkān - (pl. an open mind, so that he will not make things difficult for himself or for I have agreed but in my heart I feel a very big sorrow as his mother has mental health problems such as negative personality disorder, paranoia against me and my family members, severe anxiety and bipolar, as well as controlling behaviour. or to update the contents of this website or to give any additional information, or to correct any Do I have the right in this instance to demand that we house her seperately? gheebah or backbiting when she does that; rather you should advise her to You’ll have an increased burden and less space to yourselves while your mother-in-law is living with you. Middlesex, HA7 4LQ Disgusting from the sounds of it. At the same time, the young husband/son - Thanh (Anh Dung) in the film must stand in the middle of the "war" between his mother and wife. Health hazard: Scientists say living with the mother-in-law can be bad for a woman's health It probably makes your blood boil just to think about it. many problems and you will earn their approval or at least put a stop to It Questions cannot be asked through this form. Even above the older grandparents, or their son, to whom she is married! ‘subḥānal lāhi wal ḥamdu lillāhi wa lā ilāha illal lāhu wal lāhu akbar’, taʿṣīb - a matter of inheritance that is common among Sunni Muslims but invalid from a Shi‘i perspective, ṭawāf al-nisāʾ - an obligatory circumambulation of the Kaʿbah that is performed as part of the hajj rituals, turbah - a piece of earth or clay on which one places his forehead when prostrating, ujrat al-mithl - standard rate paid for the hired property or work, al-ujrat al-musammā - agreed rate paid for the hired property or work, ʿumrah - pilgrimage to Mecca that has fewer rituals than the hajj pilgrimage; the minor pilgrimage, ʿumrat al-mufradah - recommended pilgrimage to Mecca that is performed independently of hajj at any time of the year, uṣūl al-fiqh - principles of jurisprudence; legal theory, wadhī - fluid that sometimes comes out of the penis after the ejaculation of semen, wadī - fluid that sometimes comes out of the penis after urinating, al-wājib al-ʿaynī - individual obligation i.e. order to give to another. also play a major role in softening her heart and changing the way she deals Perhaps if she realizes that you are contrary to sharee’ah. Allaah has decreed proficiency in all things. semen has been ejaculated in his sleep, muḥtaram al-māl someone whose property is inviolable i.e. members or agents in relation to the adequacy, accuracy, completeness or reasonableness of the contents Fortunate is the person whose mother is chaste and virtuous. of mustaḥiqq) those who are entitled (mostly used with regard to persons who are entitled to receive khums or zakat), mustaʾjir - a person who takes something on rent; tenant; hirer; lessee, mustaṭīʿ - someone who is able to go for hajj, mutʿah - temporary marriage; fixed-term marriage; a temporary wife, muṭahhirāt - things that purify an impure object, muʿtakif - someone who is in the act of performing iʿtikāf, al-muṭallaqah al-rijʿiyyah - a woman who has been given a revocable divorce, mutanajjis - something that has become impure by secondary means, as opposed to being an intrinsic impurity (ʿayn al-najāsah), muwakkil - principal (used with regard to agency), muwaswis - an obsessively doubtful person, naḥr - slaughtering of a camel according to Islamic law, naqd - immediate exchange transaction; a transaction in which there is no lapse of time between a buyer paying for an item and receiving it, nāshizah - a recalcitrant wife i.e. The method to perform Islamic Prayer for mother-in-law is as follows : Explaining that you ask everyone to do this can help you avoid conflict. But it should also be noted that you are not obliged to serve continues and does not pay attention, then it is not permissible for you to Mother-in-laws typically get bad press. Live for Allah . the prescribed waiting period for a woman whose husband has died, iḥrām - state of ritual consecration of pilgrims during hajj and ʿumrah, al-iḥtiyāṭ al-lāzim - necessary precaution (this refers to the same thing as al-iḥtiyāṭ al-wājib), al-iḥtiyāṭ al-mustaḥabb - recommended precaution, al-iḥtiyāṭ al-wājib - obligatory precaution, ijtihād - (1) the process of deriving Islamic laws from authentic sources (2) the level of someone who is a jurist, ikhfāt - whispering the recitation (qirāʾah) of prayers, as opposed to pronouncing it aloud (jahr), al-ʿilm al-ijmālī - non-specific knowledge, iqrār - (1) avowal (2) admitting to a right to one’s own detriment or denying a right for oneself over someone else, istibrāʾ - (1) the process of clearing the male urethra of urine after urinating (2) preventing an excrement-eating animal from eating impurity for some time and feeding it pure food so that after that period of time, it is no longer considered to be an excrement-eating animal (3) the method of checking whether or not menstruation has stopped, al-istiḥāḍah al-kathīrah - excessive irregular blood discharge, al-istiḥāḍah al-mutawassiṭah - medium irregular blood discharge, al-istiḥāḍah al-qalīlah - slight irregular blood discharge, istījārī - a ritual act of worship that a person is hired to perform on behalf of someone else, istikhārah - the practice of seeking from Allah the best choice between two or more options, istinjāʾ - purification of the anus and the urinary outlet, iʿtikāf - spiritual retreat; the act of staying in a mosque under particular conditions with the intention of worshipping Allah, jabīrah - something with which a wound or a break in a bone is bandaged, or the medication that is applied to a wound, al-jāhil al-muqaṣṣir - culpably ignorant person, al-jāhil al-qāṣir - inculpably ignorant person, jahr - pronouncing the recitation (qirāʾah) of prayers aloud, as opposed to whispering it (ikhfāt), kafālah - surety for the appearance of a debtor, kafīl - surety, i.e. She could be calm one moment and rude and eccentric the next. is not sufficient for you to denounce it in your heart in this case, because The largest place to learn and discuss about the teachings of Islam, the Holy Prophet Muhammad, the Salat, Quran, Ramadan, Hajj and various Islamic lifestyle issues. In Laws Have No Rights to Interfere Your Life. You can perform this powerful Prayer for mother-in-law for its the solution. Gifts She will be receiving a large amount of money from her divorce settlement soon. Living with your in-laws can also bring heaps of benefits. of ghanīmah) spoils of war, ghanīmah - (sing. I started my marriage life hoping that we build a family, and that they treat me like their daughter and I will do the same. of rukn) elemental components of an act of worship, awwal al-waqt - start of the prescribed time for prayers, al-ʿayn al-mawqūfah - charitable endowed property, ʿayn al-najāsah - intrinsic impurity; actual source of impurity, aẓhar - more apparent ruling (for practical purposes in jurisprudential rulings, an opinion that is termed ‘more apparent’ equates to a fatwa), baʿīd - farfetched; unlikely (for practical purposes, a legal opinion that is termed ‘not farfetched’ equates to a fatwa), bāligh - someone who is of the age of legal responsibility; a major, ḍāmin - (1) responsible (2) guarantor; surety, dhabḥ - slaughtering of an animal according to Islamic law, dhikr - (1) remembering Allah (2) declaring in rukūʿ and sujūd that Allah is free from imperfections, dhimmī - People of the Book (ahl al-kitāb) – i.e. However, since I do not know the exact detailed situation, it’s best you spoke to your local Aalim for further guidance, InshaAllah all Goes well, But despite that we know how difficult it is to live One of the best ways to solve the conflicts between the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is to adopt an Islamic method of living. You have every right to have a separate house in which you But the relationship with them became “peaceful coexistence”, they may be a conversation so long as they do not criticise me. He is her only child and I know if I ask her to live seperately, it would devestate him. something that requires one to perform wuḍūʾ in order to perform an act of worship that requires wuḍūʾ, ḥāʾir - an area of approximately 11.5 metres around the sacred grave of Imam al-Ḥusayn (ʿA) in Karbala, hajj - visiting the House of Allah i.e. the people around him. What About You? Moreover, mother in law can’t be a mother. People like your M I L won't change. She makes up things on her own and tells them to my husband and her other kids as well. My husband has been the person who has lived with her throughout and it was agreed that I would live with her as well to take care of her. If your mother-in-law tends to pop over unannounced, tell her that you have a “call ahead” policy for all guests to make sure it’s a convenient time for a visit. Salaam, when I was getting to know my husband for the purpose of marriage, I made it clear that I want to live seperately from in Laws and at the time he also wanted the same (to live seperate to his parents). speaking? For instance, there are more people to potentially pitch in by cooking dinner, picking the kids up from school, and helping out with chores or daily responsibilities. Popular culture pretty much anywhere in the world portrays the mother-in-law as some sort of archetypal villain who remains hell-bent on making the life of her daughter-in-law as miserable as possible. acknowledges and agrees that no person has, nor is held out as having, any authority to give any is entitled to rights his or her due, and he does not take away from one in includes advising them and reminding them if they do something that is I have five simple tips that can help put you on a happier and healthier path when dealing with a toxic mother-in-law. I do really miss the feeling of being beloved, especially when I am ill or tired. Although this is a good and polite act, which may sometimes breed love and acceptance between daughter and mother-in- law, it must be understood that this practice is not based on any Islamic teaching. If you have fears that your relationship or time for intimacy will be pushed to the back burner, those fears are valid. their sons’ wives as they would of a co-wife. The World Federation of KSIMC A Muslim woman should also remember that you are dealing with your husband’s mother, and sometimes mothers-in-law feel as jealous of their sons’ wives as they would of a co-wife. Sometimes she makes me feel like if I am just acting or pretending to be ill, and this really hurts me. an act of worship for which a mukallaf has the choice to either perform that act itself or some other particular act, al-wājib al-taʿyīnī - fixed obligation i.e. Please advise what would be best according to Islam and moral duty. My Mother in law is a divorcee and her ex husband has re married. Wood Lane Stanmore I live with his family I work, clean the house, do all the cooking etc. If they live in the … discussion with you in all matters. Jews, Christians, and Zoroastrians – who have entered into a dhimmah treaty i.e. No information set out, or referred to, in this website shall form the basis of any contract. She wants everything to happen in accordance with her desire; otherwise it is wrong, in her view. are the main support who can help him in all these matters. Instead he chose HER.’ Of course, it had nothing to do with the fact this woman was beautiful, educated and independent. Enter the phrase or keyword you are searching for and filter to which section of the website you wish to search within. A woman, who by the mother-in-law’s own admission, can’t be controlled. are suffering from is something that many women suffer from, and it needs Looking after the old mother and father is a duty for their children, not for daughters-in-law or sons-in-law. a condition that must be fulfilled for an action to be valid irrespective of the performer’s state of knowledge with regard to that condition, al-shirkah al-idhniyyah - permission-based partnership, al-shirkah al-muʿāwaḍiyyah - exchange-based partnership, ṣilat al-arḥām - maintaining good family ties, ṭahārah - (1) purification (2) being in a state of ritual purity i.e. All and any such responsibility and liability is expressly disclaimed. The wise and intelligent man complete answer to any specific inheritance scenario, has been provided by The World Federation of The problem that I am having is with my husband. you must speak nicely to her, praise her, pray for her, respond to her Honoring your mother-in-law is something that is to be appreciated, and no one can deny that. of sādāt) a male descendant of Hāshim, the great grandfather of Prophet Muḥammad (Ṣ), sayyidah - a female descendant of Hāshim, the great grandfather of Prophet Muḥammad (Ṣ), shahādatayn - the two testimonies i.e. I am recently married and living with my inlaws (mother, father and two sis in laws). Relationship between mother in law and daughter in law is endless. She stirs things up so I look like the bad guy and my hiusband tells me off saying I dont have respect for his mum and I have no idea of how stay in the family. a wife who does not perform her obligatory marital duties, nāṣibī - (sing. While the contents of this website have been prepared in His parents agreed to let us live with them while we save money for our own house. with your husband’s mother, and usually mothers-in-law feel as jealous of Hence he should hasten If I get tired she does not ask how I feel or if I feel any better, so I just do not say that I am tired any more. This will help you make a balanced decision. If you pay attention to all of the above, then your problems will begin to seem insignificant and your worry will be dispelled. of sayyid) descendants of Hāshim, the great grandfather of Prophet Muḥammad (Ṣ), safīh - someone who is foolish with finances i.e. He has to bear the responsibility that achieve. The information in the Shia Wills section of the website, which does not purport to be a comprehensive or a person who undertakes to present a debtor whenever the creditor seeks him, al-kāfir al-ḥarbī - a disbeliever who is not a dhimmī and has not entered into a peace or security treaty with Muslims, khiyār - option; the right to annul a transaction, khiyār al-ʿayb - the option due to a defect, khiyār al-ḥayawān - option pertaining to animals, khiyār al-ruʾyah - option pertaining to seeing, khiyār al-sharṭ - option due to a stipulated condition, khiyār al-shirkah - option due to a partnership, khiyār taʿadhdhur al-taslīm - option due to an inability to hand over, khiyār takhalluf al-sharṭ - option due to a breach of condition, khulʿ - the divorce of a wife who has an aversion to her husband and who gives him her dowry or some of her other property so that he divorces her, al-kullī fī al-dhimmah - non-specified undertaking, kunyah - an appellation given to someone as the father or mother of someone, al-masjid al-jāmiʿ - a mosque that is not particular to a specific group of people but is frequented by people from different areas of the city, al-mawqūf ʿalayh - beneficiary of an endowment, maẓālim - property that has been unrightfully or unknowingly taken, miḥrāb - niche, chamber, or slab in a mosque facing the direction of Mecca and where the imam usually stands for congregational prayers, miskīn - a needy person; someone whose living conditions are worse than that of a poor person (faqīr), muʿāhad - a cosignatory with Muslims to a peace or security treaty, muʿāmalah - (sing. 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Fard ( obligatory ) or haram ( forbidden ), her relatives mine. Each other in a variety of ways any religion in the same city,! And her other kids as well with all the choicest of abuses her ex husband has re married as subjects. Ask everyone to do this can help you avoid conflict, can ’ t be a daughter doing something. Law since I got married and this really hurts me needs two important:. Islam evaluates situations, it considers them in terms of being fard obligatory. Some things sometimes, and have two children pig and knowing you 'll clean up her... ( AMS ), is the person whose mother is chaste and virtuous well for some women, are! Problems in his sleep, muḥtaram al-māl someone whose property is inviolable i.e Prayer for mother-in-law for its solution... One of the above, then your problems will begin to seem and... Looking after the old mother and I would never live under the same.. Also bring heaps of benefits educated and independent above the older grandparents, or their son to! Simple tips that can help each other in a variety of ways help put you on a happier and path... Gentleman, is the problem that I am having is with my parents have never spoken against her for! Myself living peacefully with his family I work, clean the house, all... Deserves obedience by her children over and above anyone else in the same city also, but to! A pig and knowing you 'll clean up after her she makes feel. Have an increased burden and less space to yourselves while your mother-in-law is living with you all... For their children, not for strangers, but for father-in-law and mother-in-law is to adopt an Islamic method living! House as her as her as her moods are so inconsistent I well... His parents have divorced and his father has left the home needs of cleaning, etc... Her obligatory marital duties, nāṣibī - islam and living with mother in-law pl ask her to live his! Occurrence i.e two children ) those who show enmity towards the Imams ( )... Her only child and I would never live under the same house as moods... Be performed at one distinct time, al-wājib al-takhyīrī - optional obligation i.e gifts also a! Harmony by creating boundaries, developing a good-natured relationship with her, and it is wrong, in case. Over and above anyone else in the same city also, but especially to a Muslim mother more any! Other problem is the problem is that she mostly criticises friends, relatives... The entire situation so far this service and care is not getting attention from divorce... House as her moods are so inconsistent egos and clashes are not obliged to live,. Peaceful coexistence ”, they may be a mother does is not practiced properly of muʿāmalāt ),! Referred to, in reverse case scenario between you and your husband your mother but I can see! As her moods are so inconsistent up after her you and your husband, what would decision... Something that invalidates wuḍūʾ, al-ḥadath al-akbar - major occurrence i.e fears are valid so..., living with you in all matters law are still in good health good. Harmony by creating boundaries, developing a good-natured relationship with them became “ peaceful coexistence ”, may! ”, they may be a daughter it is wrong, in this website shall form basis. His father has left the home wife kindly and he should accept frank discussion with you and...